A Bad Dream On Birch Lane
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: A parody of A Nightmare On Elm Street. Starring Teddy Boooger, the gundam pilots, and some characters of my own creation. If ya wanna know any more about it, just read it. You won't regret it. (Hopefully!)


Those who are weak of heart, do not continue to read, for you are about to experience, along with the gundam pilots, a little piece of hell that can only be known as...  
  
A Bad Dream On Birch Lane  
  
Teddy Boooger was killed when a chipmunk got lodged in his throat. A group of teens nearby who were drunk, stoned, and somewhat mentally unstable, who thought that it was funny, did nothing to help. Now Teddy is back, and he is seeking revenge upon those teens, who are now adults, through their children....  
  
Heero woke up and stared at the ceiling for about an hour, without blinking, before he realised that he was awake. By then, his eyes were drier than Death Valley, and so he jumped out of bed, ran out of his room, down the hall past his dad, and into the bathroom where he centered his eyes under the sink faucet thingy and turned it on. His dad, Heythere Yuy, wondered why his son had just ran down the hallway wearing nothing but his socks, decided to go and read his newspaper in the living room. After Heero had rehydrated his eyes, he went back to his bedroom and got dressed. Soon afterwards, Heero heard the one sound that drove him crazy, the one sound that had enough power over him to make him run out the front door and down two blocks where he then tossed himself into the middle of the street... He heard the sound of the ice cream truck.  
  
The driver of the ice cream truck, Toyl Ette Clogg, had a job as a plumber, but driving the ice cream truck was the job he loved most. Until he got to Birch Lane, anyways. When he got to the corner of Birch Lane, the boy named Heero Yuy always ran and jumped out into the street, waving his arms and shouting. And then, when Heero placed his order, it was always the most expensive type of ice cream in the whole truck, and Heero ALWAYS payed it in pennies. Always pennies, nothing but pennies. Toyl dreaded Birch Lane because of Heero, and would never go anywhere near it if he could help it. Unfortunately for him, he lived on Birch Lane, with his daughter. His daughter, the owner of the worlds largest piggy bank collection, had had her name changed from Haugh Lyke Clogg to Haugh Lyke Pigg two years ago. And now that I've introduced those two characters, it's time for a nap...  
  
  
  
Okay, I'm back. Now, let's see... Right then. Next to Haugh Pigg and Toyl Clogg lived a family of three, the Tyme family. There was Father Tyme, Mother Tyme, originally named Mother Natuure, and Justin Tyme, their son, who prided himself in never being late. Just across the street from the Tymes were the Maxwells. There was Uno Maxwell, his father Zero Maxwell, Zero's wife Heesa, originally named Heesa Homo, Uno's wife Ima, originally named Ima Lesbo, and Uno and Ima's son, Duo. Coincidentally, the Maxwells lived right next door to the Yuys, and Heero and Duo were very good friends. In fact, sometimes Heero and Duo disappeared into one of the two boys' rooms, and not too long after, loud moaning was heard. Nobody ever could figure out what they were doing in there, but when asked, they said that they were spontaneously combusting.  
  
The Winner family lived a block away from the Bartons, and Quatre and Towa were pretty good friends, too. They often went over to the Chang residence, where their friend Wufei lived. It wasn't too far of a walk, since the Chang house was in between the Winner and Bartons houses, which weren't too far from the living spaces of the Cloggs, the Yuys, the Maxwells, and the Tymes.(Yay, I finally finished the main introduction/location thingy!)  
  
Okay, so Teddy died while the neighborhood teens' parents just stood around and watched, and now, years later, they are living happy, normal lives, throwing theirselves in front of ice cream trucks, engaging in homosexual activities, and changing their names so that they sound even more ridiculous than before. Just wanted to get that straight before continuing...  
  
One day, while looking for the slice of pizza she had hidden in the refrigerator, Who R. Yuy discovered something she thought had been buried and forgotten for all these years, she uncovered something that she had kept a secret from everyone she had ever met since... That day. She found that it was still there, the deadly stench all around her. "So THAT'S where I hid that turkey sandwich!" She exlaimed, taking a bite out of the seven year old sandwich. "Turkey is one of those things that gets better with age." She grinned, happily chewing her sandwich. And then a clawed hand came out of nowhere and grabbed ahold of her neck, cutting off her air supply. She began gasping for air, wheezing slowly, realising that she would soon be dead, and then she woke up. "OH MY GOD!!!" She screamed. "Oh... Oh... Oh... Huh? I... It was just a dream!" She reached up a hand and wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Oh, good... I thought I had actually taken a bite out of that sandwich..." Then she smiled, content knowing that the sandwich was still in the refrigerator, and went back to sleep.  
  
Heero awoke, hearing his mother, Who, screaming something. He decided that she was just having sex with the pizza delivery guy again and closed his eyes. Just before he got to sleep, he heard something. "One, two, Teddy's gonna get you." He opened his eyes. "Three, four, he'll get you while you snore." Heero sat up in bed. "Five, six, he's eaten a bowl of Trix." Heero began looking around. "Seven, eight, you're gonna be late." Heero jumped out of bed. "Nine, ten, I see some naked men." Heero ran to the window and jumped out, looking everywhere. "WHEEEEEEERE?!? Teeeeeell meeeeeee!" Then Heero spent two hours searching for a group of clotheless men while the two little girls outside his bedroom window giggled and ran off into the woods, never to be seen or heard from again.  
  
The next day, the two little girls that had been hiding under Heero's bedroom window were playing in their front yard with their older brother, Quatre. "I know! Let's play 'make-Quatre-do-whatever-we-want-or-we'll-kick-him-in-the-nuts!'" One of the girls suggested. "No! Please, don't!" Trowa just happened to be looking around Quatre's house with his high-powered telescope, hoping that Quatre was in the shower so he could stare at him for a while, and saw Quatre's sisters grinning the evil grins that they grinned when they were going to do awful, horrible, evil and mean things to Quatre. Trowa quickly zipped up his pants and ran out of his house, hoping he could get there in time to save Quatre. Once he arrived at Quatre's house, Trowa managed to scare away the two girls, and then he and Quatre walked to Duo's house. Heesa answered the door when Quatre knocked, and she let the two boys in. "Duo, call Heero quickly! Tell him to come over here right now!" Heesa yelled.  
  
Duo picked up the phone and dialed Heero's number. After a few rings, Heero answered the phone. "Hiya, Heero, it's me, Duo. Grandma told me to tell you to cum over here right now." "Okay. Spandex, as usual?" Duo nodded his head. "Duo, we're on the phone. I can't see you nod your head. "Oh. Well, then, yes, wear spandex." "Okay, I'll be there in just a second." Heero replied, turning off his cell phone and opening the window to Duo's bedroom. "Wow, that was fast, Heero." Heero shrugged his shoulders. "I was coming over here anyways, so I figured I'd just stop by and say hello." Duo nodded his head and led Heero out into the living room that Heesa had gathered the other five teens of the area. "Hurry, sit down. We haven't much time!" Heesa said.  
  
"Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away... Your parents watched some guy named Teddy Boooger choke on a chipmunk, and now he's back, and he wants to kill you, and he can only hurt you in your dreams, and..." Then Heesa fell asleep. She never woke up... "Oh, no! Teddy killed her!" Trowa screamed. Then Justin glanced down and saw that he had tripped over the cord from Heesa's artificial respirator, cutting off her oxygen. "Oops." Justin muttered. Haugh began running around the room, causing small earthquakes every time one of her feet hit the ground. "Yay! Ding, dong, the witch is dead!" She yelled happily until Heero tripped her. Then everyone grabbed onto something as she hit the ground, knocking over everything in the room that was not bolted to the floor. "Lose some weight, Haugh!" Duo complained as his collection of porno tapes hit the ground. Luckily, none of them were damaged.  
  
"Lose weight? You just made me very angry, Duo... And when I'm angry, I hurt people... People like you..." Haugh glared at Duo, walking closer to him, with the intent of hurting him. Then Duo pulled something out from behind his back and shoed it in Haugh's face. "What's that?! I smell... It smells like... NOOOOOO!" Haugh shrieked as she realised that it was a salad, and then she ran from the room. "Haugh, I'll put away the salad if you promise to be nice..." Duo offered. "Alright." She agreed, and then she came back into the room while Duo put the salad back where he had gotten it.  
  
"We need to find some way to stop that Boooger guy." Heero thought aloud. "But the question is... How?" Then Duo suddenly got a great idea. "Heero! I know how to defeat Teddy Boooger! All we have to do is go upstairs into my room, and then... Spontaneously combust..." Heero grinned and started to stand up, but then sat back down. "No! We must find a way to kill Teddy Boooger, and to have him stay dead... Forever."  
  
Oooooooh... Well, I'm gonna end the first chapter here and keep you all in suspense until the next chapter is up. Pleeeeeease revieeeeew!!! Um... Bye! 


End file.
